The last two weeks have been one of the most difficult periods of my career.

Some people perceive the life of a professional sportsman as being easy.

I wouldn’t change what I do for a living for anything and love being a cricketer, but there are the same stresses and difficulties as with any job.

Eyes are on you and there is nowhere to hide. However, I hope to come out a stronger person and a better cricketer from this.

My break from cricket and handing over of the Twenty20 captaincy to James Foster began after the Glamorgan match at Chelmsford a couple of weeks ago.

But the truth is I had been struggling for a month. I reached the point where I was trying to take the team forward and my own game forward and I had to hold my hands up and say enough was enough.

I was not scoring the runs I wanted to and was not deserving of a place in the side.

If I am playing well it is not a problem, but I was finding it hard leading the side the way it needed to be led.

I was struggling to lift the team at a time when we were finding victories scarce and I did not want to drag them down with me.

They needed someone to stand up and lead the way and I was at the point where I could not be the person to do it.

I was basically exhausted.

A couple of low scores in the Twenty20 are not the end of the world. However, I felt unless I took a break I was not going to improve.

James Foster has done a good job before when he has stood in for me so he was able to stand in while I took a complete break from cricket.

The break was a joint decision between Paul Grayson and myself.

I suggested it in the first place with a view to stepping back and reassessing my game and Paul was very supportive.

One of his biggest strengths is his relationship with the players and his man-management and he had my best interests at heart.

There has been a lot going on off the pitch at Essex as well as on it which has affected me to some extent this season.

It may have taken a bit out of me which I had not noticed and is, unfortunately, part of being captain.

When we learned of the police investigation into spot-fixing it was potentially very disruptive.

And it has been in a way.

Danish Kaneria has settled back into the side quite well, but the problem has been with the club not knowing what was going to happen.

There were mixed messages from the England and Wales Cricket Board, who seemed to keep changing their mind on what they were going to do with regards to Danish and Mervyn Westfield.

That has not been ideal, seeing as Danish has probably been the biggest part of our success in recent years.

He has been in and out of the side since returning and has not known if he was going to be suspended or not, but he has dealt with it well.

I MADE my comeback in the FP t20 on Tuesday evening under the floodlights at The Ford County Ground.

And it was one of the most enjoyable games I have played in for a long time, although defeat to Sussex was not what we wanted.

There are small margins in cricket and my night could have gone badly wrong when I edged inches past the hands of Ed Joyce in the slips off the first ball of our innings.

If I had done that a couple of weeks ago it would have gone straight to him.

I was hoping we would bat first so I would not have to wait to get into the action.

A couple of catches in the field helped, though, and when the time came to bat I played with freedom and scored 59 off 38 balls.

If you look at my figures this season they are not that bad. I’m averaging 32 in the Championship, which is more than I was at this stage last season before going on to average just under 40.

My form concerns have not been so much a distress at the numbers, more the way I have been feeling.

I can confirm I will be back in Championship action next week.

YOU may be wondering what I have been up to during my break from cricket?

Well, it started with a few days away in France.

I needed to escape and forget about everything so I jumped on a plane and headed to Biarritz for a week on my own.

I took my surf board with me and spent some time in the water with a view to returning refreshed and ready to work on my batting.

The surf board was a fine companion, although it has actually got me in trouble before.

It was in Australia for a couple of months before the under-19 World Cup a few years ago.

It was New Year’s Day and the squad was meeting up in Adelaide and I had my surf board with me, having already been out there.

It’s fair to say Rod Marsh, who was in charge, was not impressed with my choice of luggage and I think Essex may have received a letter!

I had a couple of days at Wimbledon watching the tennis, but have otherwise been training without the pressure of matches.

I’m not an early riser apart from when I am forced to and have a had a few 7am starts with Graham Gooch, whose time is limited because of his involvement with England.

I have followed up the sessions with some time in the gym, including yesterday morning – only hours after our Twenty20 match against Sussex in which I made my comeback.

Goochie said I might as well have spent the night out on the wicket before getting up for some practice because there was so little time between the two.