The south also rises

The great north against south divide at Roots Hall has reached even greater heights with the club's hierarchy getting bitten by the competitive bug.

I told you last week about a recent golf match between all the lads in Billericay which ended in a victory for the club's northern boys, but I'm glad to report that the south has struck back in style.

Our chairman John Main and chief executive Peter Storrie challenged the gaffer Alan Little and his assistant Mick Gooding to a snooker match at the hotel we were staying in before last Saturday's game at Plymouth Argyle.

But the boss and Mick must have wished they hadn't bothered because they got slaughtered, despite employing a host of underhand tactics to try and win at all costs.

Everytime the chairman went to take a shot, Alan or Mick would cough loudly or make a squeaking sound by rubbing the chalk against the cue to try and put him off.

However, the chairman held his nerve and pulled through with a little bit of help from our kitman John Threadgold, who kneed Micky in the back of his leg to make him miss a shot.

I don't know why he was helping the southern team, though, as he was born in Chester and has got his geography badly wrong if he thinks he is one of us, because he isn't!

Anyway the game settled down and the chairman and his right-hand man came out on top of a close encounter after winning two frames to one, which gained sweet revenge for the south and squared up the series at the south 1, the north 1.

The old ones are the best!

Saturday's trip to Plymouth was my first overnight away match with the rest of the lads this season so I had to give a speech at the hotel dinner table.

It is customary to introduce yourself to the rest of the team on your maiden voyage and as I'd been out all season with injuries this was my first chance to speak up.

I'm not the greatest of speakers and was nervous about addressing the rest of the lads, but we had a good crack along the way and I soon settled down.

I started off by reminding the players how much they had missed me since I'd been away and how lucky they were to have a player of my calibre and, at a youthful 36 years of age, experience back within their ranks.

As you can imagine I took some stick for my comments, but I turned it round in style after spotting an elderly party on the table next to us who I claimed had travelled down to the West Country for my school reunion.

But I wasn't the only one made to suffer, our new goalkeeper Mark Prudhoe, a fellow senior citizen within the side, was making his first overnight trip and also had to give an account of himself.

All he could do, though, was moan about how he'd had to take a big cut in wages and move down south to join Southend and I don't think he liked being labeled as a Russ Abbott lookalike, in particular resembling his character Cooper Man.

Oh what an atmosphere!

(Left) Mark Prudhoe - loves a Roots Hall with a happy atmosphere

(Right) Russ Abbott - loves a party with a happy atmosphere

Germans will set us tough test

England have been handed a tough draw in the World Cup qualifiers for 2002, which has pitted us against our close rivals Germany.

We should have no trouble seeing off the other teams in our group - Albania, Finland and Greece - but we will need to be at our best to see off the German threat.

They may not be as good as the Germany of old, but you can never write them off and I'm sure they will prove to be a tough nut to crack.

We're long overdue a result against the Kaisers following narrow semi-final defeats at their hands during Italia 90 and Euro 96 and hopefully it'll be a case of third time lucky.

If we do manage to beat the Germans and qualify for the next World Cup outright I'm sure we'll be installed as one of the competition's favourites as the pre-tournament merry-go-round of hype gets into full swing.

Who knows maybe victory over Germany, who are also trying to pip us for the right to stage the 2006 World Cup, could be the springboard we need to emulate the boys of '66.

Converted for the new archive on 19 November 2001. Some images and formatting may have been lost in the conversion.