Advanced psychotherapist and clinical hypnotherapist CLAIRE GASKIN sees clients in Essex and in London’s Harley Street. She is now bringing her expertise to the problems of our readers as our agony aunt. If you have a problem you’d like Claire’s advice with, email agonyaunt@nqe.com For more details on Claire’s work, visit benefittherapy.co.uk/

Dear Claire,

I have a friend who I have known since I was 11 who I stayed in contact with through university and beyond. Over the years we have seen each other a bit less but still were there for important occasions and we have seen each other through some difficult times.

But in the past ten years our lives have gone in separate directions and I have started to find it difficult to keep up the relationship. She doesn’t have children and her partner is not interested in socialising with mine and our other friends who will sometimes get together so I feel we are just limited to a mid-week meet-up at a pub. It feels forced.

We have so little in common now and I would be happy to accept that people grow apart and there are no hard feelings. But she keeps asking me to meet up and I feel like it has reached the point I should say something. It is going to be impossible to do that without hurting her feelings but I can’t keep going out and scratching around for things to talk about. It is excruciating. How can I approach this kindly?

Claire says...

Friendships drift apart when common bonds that once tied us together change as life takes us in different directions. You have invited your friend and her partner to social events with other families but the world you inhabit is alien to them.

It may be that you are the only connection to her past and she’s reluctant to let go. But I suspect it is more than that. Perhaps your friend looks to you as someone she admires and can aspire to.

Before you cut ties, ask yourself: when your children have grown and flown the nest, will you be glad to have your old friend in your life? Long-standing relationships can nurture an important sense of belonging.

If the answer is no, gently explain you are unable to continue with these weekly outings and suggest instead that you catch up on special occasions.

However, if you can imagine a future when you have more in common, such as a retirement full of free time then go to the cinema or take up a hobby you’re both interested in, rather than sit in the pub. You will have plenty to talk about and you may just enjoy yourself!