Colchester mum opens up on eating disorder journey

Louise Finch, a 31-year-old mum of two girls, had been living with an eating disorder for more than ten years when physical symptoms she experienced meant the disorder could no longer go unnoticed.

She said: “In August 2021, I visited my GP to discuss I had been missing periods and for some advice on how to conceive.

“It was mentioned I had lost 50kg since my visit earlier in the year, but I excused this as dieting.

“I didn’t know it, but at this time I was totally in the depths of my eating disorder.”

Louise said she has an “extensive history of rapid weight gain and weight loss”, typically losing four to five stone in six months before regaining it all in the following six months.

“At no point did I feel I had a problem… but it was an obsession,” the mum said.

At this point Louise said the physical symptoms became “noticeable”, including swollen legs, frequently falling over and bruising easily.

She said: “I was freezing cold, white hair had grown all over my body and I was dealing with extreme bowel incompetence, but even that was not scaring me.

“At work, my manager noticed my deterioration and told me I needed to see my GP.

“I did, and they told me to elevate my legs and slow down on the exercise.

“I collapsed on a dog walk one week later and I then knew I needed help.

“However, I was still in denial that I needed help for an eating disorder – I thought maybe I was just ill.”

Upon returning to the GP and being weighed, in three weeks she had lost almost two stone.

After having her blood pressure taken, she was sent to A&E.

Site - Louise was rushed to A&E after returning to the GP with severe weight loss (Image: Newsquest)

“I could sense the urgency,” she said.

“I wasn’t allowed to drive myself there. But still, nothing anyone could say would make me realise I had an eating disorder.

“I went to A&E, had my bloods taken, my legs were examined for Oedema, and I was discharged.

“I then went home and lied to my husband, Adam, and everyone else, that I was fine, that I knew I needed to gain a little weight but that I would be okay.

“That evening someone from a mental health team called and left a voicemail to say I needed to return to A&E as they had looked at my notes and had some concerns.

“I ignored this and kept it a secret from Adam, adamant I was fine.

“The next day I felt enormous guilt for ignoring the call and had the realisation if I died, I would be leaving my two children without a mother, so I told Adam.

“He carried me to the car and took me straight there.

“Within an hour of being there, a nurse had mentioned the word anorexia.

“I had never even considered I had anorexia and was shocked.

“I was admitted to a medical ward where I remained for three weeks.”

Help - Louise spent various times in hospital getting treatment (Image: N/A)

However, during her time in hospital, Louise said she tried to continue to control what and when she ate.

She never drank the supplements and persuaded her husband to bring in “safe foods” which had low calories.

She also felt “crippling guilt” by lying in bed doing nothing, which led to not complying with the dietitian eating disorder service’s plan.

“I would jump up and down in my room desperate to achieve some form of exercise,” she said.

“When I was moved from a room to a bay, I had a panic attack because I knew my rituals and avoidance of food would be exposed.

“I felt like a burden as I was medically stable, and I felt desperate to get home.

“I agreed to attend the eating disorder day service upon discharge.”

For three weeks, Louise spent every day at the service from 8.30am to 5pm, eating breakfast, snacks and lunch.

However, she struggled with the lack of control and had “meltdowns everyday” and “terrified” of gaining all the weight again which stopped her from fully engaging in treatment.

Louise then went into inpatient care for seven months in November 2021 but said it “did not work for her”.

“Being surrounded by others who struggled, I was exposed to rules and rituals that were normal to many and I felt I had to adopt them too,” she said.

Upon discharge, Louise went back into community care but found the adjustment “almost impossible”.

She said: “I relapsed, and this time under immense shame and guilt as I couldn’t fathom why the eating disorder, after so much treatment, was still controlling my entire life.

“The eating disorder team persisted and never gave up on me.”

Smile - Louise has been in recovery for two years (Image: Public)

Louise said the breaking point came when her husband threatened to leave due to the lies and impact on the children.

It was at this point the eating disorder team helped her realise she needed to go all in with recovery.

Louise said: “It was all or nothing.

“I revealed everything to my husband and the eating disorder team.

“They listened to me without judgement and understood I wasn’t choosing to live like this, it was an illness.

“This was a changing point for everyone and the start of my true recovery.”

She said she felt “free” after opening up to the disorder team, which helped change her perspective.

“They helped me to realise I might live with these thoughts forever but that I have a choice as to whether I act on them or not,” said Louise.

“This was like a lightbulb moment for me.

“I have been in recovery for two years and I am enjoying being a mum, socialising, working at a school and going on holidays.

“I am forever grateful to the eating disorder team for this.”

Louise has now encouraged others who think they may have an eating disorder to open up.

She said: “It takes such courage to admit that there’s a problem but I felt an immense sense of freedom and relief when I finally revealed everything.

“I was petrified, but it was the best thing I ever did.

“I feel so passionately recovery is possible and others can find peace in allowing someone to hear you and to help you.”

If you've been affected by any of the issues raised in this story, or are concerned for yourself or a loved one, you can find support and guidance on the help pages of the Beat Eating Disorders website.