Women in Essex launch survivors of bereavement by suicide group

Losing a loved one can trap you in a whirlpool of grief and trigger a series of emotions all of which resonate through the word death.

But even when you feel like your heart has been broken into a million pieces, it is important to remember there is always a reason to patch it up and keep fighting.

Even if that means coping with a loved one’s suicide as in Jackie’s case.

Jackie Bergeron has had to suffer the unbearable pain of losing both her children to suicide in seven years.

Her 19-year-old son Chris took his own life in 2013 while still at university and in 2020, Jackie’s heart was broken again when her 29-year-old daughter Laura also took her own life.

But every time life knocks her down, she somehow manages to find the strength to stand up again.

Now Jackie, from Frinton, is one of the three volunteers who will be launching a Survivors of Bereavement by suicide (SOBs) group.

Together with Wendy Farthing, 50, of Clacton, and Annie Duffy, 62, of Frinton, the three volunteers will be holding meetings at the Frinton Free Church every first Thursday of the month from 7pm to 9pm.

The aim of the group will be to give a platform to anyone affected by suicide to channel their emotions or just process their pain in silence.

The group is part of the national SOBs charity, which has about 150 members all using their own experience to support others.

Jackie said: “After I lost my son, I tried counselling, but what worked best for me was SOBs.

Warrior - Jackie Bergeron, of Frinton, has lost both her son and daughter to suicide seven years apart

“Being surrounded by people who have had similar experiences meant I didn’t have to explain how I felt, how difficult life had become.

“Since I lost my daughter, the only thing that keeps me going now are my two amazing grandchildren.

“I want a better future for them.”

Having tried different coping mechanisms, Jackie says talking is the best medicine.

And while the pain will always be a lump in the throat, she wants survivors of bereavement to know there is life beyond the sorrow.

She adds: “There is always hope and although you will have a different life, you can learn to live with this kind of loss.

“I am not saying for one second it is easy, but that is the purpose of the group - to give people the courage to continue to live.”

'This group is about breaking down barriers'

Her fellow volunteer Annie is no stranger to the pain of losing a loved one to suicide too.

Her niece took her own life when she was only 16 and the heart-wrenching experience has had a “knock-on effect on the whole family”.

Inspiration - Annie Duffy,62, of Frinton has lost her niece to suicide

Remembering the incident, Annie says there were no signs of what was going to happen, but “there was more going on that the parents didn’t know at the time”.

Annie added: “She appeared to be a happy 16-year-old, attending college, having a boyfriend.

“My youngest daughter was quite close to her and found it really hard to accept her death and she too has made an attempt to take her own life.

“This group is about breaking down barriers and making people understand how suicide not just affects the immediate family, but other members of the extended family as well and their friends.

“People who haven’t been affected by suicide don’t really want to think about it or pay much attention to it. It always happens to someone else and not them.

“The stereotypical view is that ‘If it hadn’t affected my life, I don’t want anything to do with it’.”

Annie says the perception of “men of certain age taking their own lives” still exists, but “we see there are more younger people going to the extreme”.

To make sure no more tears are shed in darkness, Annie is convinced open conversations about mental health could turn the suicide tide and be a much-needed lifeline.

She said: “Mental health is a stigma in itself and you have got suicide. People don’t want to acknowledge it unless it affects them first hand.

“We need to remove the fact it is a taboo subject so we have to be much more open and transparent.

“It needs to be included on the school curriculums where children are able to voice their thoughts and opinions within the safety of the school environment.”

'We want to say to people that it is OK to talk about it'

Having lost her 24-year-old son in 2017, Wendy, who is the third volunteer in the Frinton support group, is hoping to encourage more people to talk about suicide and “not be ashamed of it”.

Hero - Wendy Farthing,50, of Clacton, lost her 24-year-old son to suicide

She said: “From day one I have always said to people that my son took his own life.

“He has always suffered with his mental health on and off.

“What helps me is just remembering all the good times and all the things he used to do that made us laugh.

“It is not an easy thing to get over.”

There is no magic pill or cure to numb the pain, but knowing you are alone in the shadow of pain is how you get to see the light again.

And this is what the Frinton SOBs group is hoping to do - help people to navigate through their grief.

Wendy said: “We want to say to people that it is OK to talk about it. You can carry on. It is OK to miss a loved one but it is OK to be OK.

“Sometimes when you are in that situation it feels like a lonely place to be.

“You just learn to live with it.”

There were 489 people in Essex who were registered as having died by suicide between 2018 and 2020, according to the latest data from the Office for National Statistics.

It means the suicide rate in the area was 12.6 per 100,000 people over the period and higher than the rate across England and Wales of 10.5 deaths per 100,000 people.

For more information on the Frinton SOBs meetings, call 07939 890846 or Email frinton@uksobs.org

In order to attend the meetings, you must be 18 or over.

Anyone who feels they need support can also contact the Samaritans via www.samaritans.org or 116 123 free from any phone.