IN his own words, it is a huge privilege for John Carr to have spoken with a complete stranger over the phone - who is in the final stages of their own life or facing the end of a relative’s life.

For many people reading this, the scenarios may seem hard to identify with.

But John’s articulate, yet calm manner shines through moments after we start our conversation about why it is that he does what he does - and why John would like others to try it too.

John, from Great Tey, has been a helpline volunteer for the Anne Robson Trust charity since it launched in March.

As a result of the Covid-19 pandemic, more people are dying, both from Covid and other illnesses. Patients dying in hospital, care homes and hospices are more likely to have limited contact with their families. Since the helpline opened, calls have tripled.

John, 80, explained: “The whole idea is we listen - probably listening for 95 per cent of the time and only ‘going in there’ [to talk ourselves] about five per cent of the time.

“They are tender conversations we are trying to have with people when they are at their most needy. It is a huge privilege to be there when people are at these extraordinarily difficult times in their lives. We aim to be an independent, non-judgmental third party with a listening ear.

“We might never speak to them again but they are most welcome to ring up our number any time.

“They won’t have to repeat it all again, we do a report to our centres so the people there know of our conversations.”

John said callers were from any age, ethnicity and part of the country.

“I had a caller from the West Country - a young woman who came on the phone, she was in floods of tears and it was difficult to start with.

“I was gently able to calm things down a bit. We are not allowed to ask questions, we have to let them speak. She told me she was in her early twenties and her mother had died seven years ago from cancer and her father had got terminal cancer and she had the job of telling her brother, she didn’t know who to go to.

“I think she found it very helpful to be able to talk to our helpline to really pour her heart out - just to speak to somebody who was able to listen.”

He added the helpline service is unique in the sense it is for “pre-bereavement”.

“We are never going to come up with any solutions. Just as when we are born we need a midwife to help us into this world, there needs to be someone, and hopefully we are those people, to be a midwife out of this world, with the gentlest way possible.”

John received training for his role and explained how it was borne out of the Covid pandemic.

He was a lay chaplain at Colchester Hospital for 14 years and that involved working with its palliative care team. The Anne Robson Trust later became involved too but the pandemic meant this was stopped. In March this year it started the helpline for volunteers to take calls from their homes.

John emphasised the key skill was “the ability to really listen and get attuned to what the person is saying.”

“The training is really to teach us how to be better listeners.”

He added that while he has a strong Christian faith, the helpline volunteers are there for anybody, whatever faith they may or may not have.

I naturally wondered how John managed to cope with the emotional strain of the role.

He said: “There is a support within the Anne Robson Trust.

“If you have had a call where you feel drained after, you have got a supervisor who will talk it through with you, so you don’t ‘take it home’. But if you are a human being and you weren’t affected by these things, you would think there would be something wrong with you.”

Concluding with what the volunteering means to him, John recalled another call he took which demonstrated the impact it can have. A distressed young woman hadn’t eaten in 24 hours or slept for 36. “I asked her what her favourite food was and she said ‘Ben and Jerry’s ice cream’, so I said why don’t you spoil yourself.

“She said she would and then afterwards she was going to have a nap.”

The free helpline number is 0808 801 0688.

Visit annerobsontrust.org.uk/ for more information about donating to it, receiving support or volunteering yourself.