‘At least we kept Eurovision stars safe from terrorists’

ROYAUME Uni... nul points.

That’s how the United Kingdom emerged from this year’s scaled-down Eurovision Song Contest, in Rotterdam.

Yorkshire’s James Newman was among four performers with no points from the phone-in part of the evening.

It wasn’t the first time.

In 2003, we were also left feeling like Millwall supporters - nobody loved us and we didn’t care.

Apart from a good song, what you need to win at the Euros are links of language and history to other countries.

However, like Millwall FC, we don’t have them.

Italian job - Maneskin, from Italy, celebrate with the trophy

Anyone notice how the Greeks and Greek-Cypriots voted for each other’s entries?

Elsewhere, the Croats and the Slovenes may have got divorced, but they still get back together sometimes for a night of reciprocal Euro passion.

Sadly, the UK has no reliable partners to hand us bonus points like that.

For some reason, our near neighbours, France and Ireland, don’t like us much.

That leaves sheer musical talent as our only reliable weapon. In other years, that is.

Back in 1974, the home team deployed the redoubtable Olivia Newton-John with a well-crafted Euro ballad.

The venue that year was the Dome in Brighton, giving us home advantage into the bargain. Surely that would be enough?

Gazette contributor Alan Hayman

Er, in the event, sadly not.

An unknown Swedish foursome called Abba unexpectedly carried the day with a bouncy tune called Waterloo, leaving Ms Newton-John in fourth place.

I was sent along to the Dome as a young radio reporter, but not to file pieces about the singers’ loon pants and moon boots.

My brief was to watch for a possible Palestinian terrorist attack on the Israeli performers.

Two years earlier, terrorist gunmen from the Black September group had murdered 11 Israeli athletes and coaches at the Munich Olympics.

The security services, MI5 and MI6, both feared such an atrocity might happen here during Eurovision.

So everyone was on edge and security was understandably tight.

Even the discreet breaking of wind near the performance area risked sparking a response from armed police.

Above the Dome, helicopter blades could be heard whirring and Navy ships were on patrol in the Channel, in case seaborne gunmen made for Brighton beach.

Giving his all - James Newman performs Embers

Whether that land, sea and air operation headed off a planned terrorist attack, we shall never know.

Fanatics often tend to be cowards who prefer striking at soft unprotected targets and that resolute show of force in Brighton may have been enough to scare them off.

In the event, it all stayed peaceful and the anxious folk at the European Broadcasting Union, who ran the show, went back to their day jobs afterwards with a sigh of relief. As, indeed, did I.

Finally, moving on from the past and the present, what about future Eurovision contests?

Here’s an exclusive forecast to rival those of another newspaper’s Mystic Meg.

My crystal ball says that if Scotland ever votes for independence, a latter-day Kenneth McKellar in kilt and furry sporran will proudly strut their stuff from a brand new Eurovision studio in Edinburgh.

And Scotland will win on sympathy votes, as 26 European countries show support for Scottish folk who were made to leave the EU against their will.

Nul points for England that year? Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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