One of the reasons I remember Roger’s name so well it’s because he looks like a Roger.

Some people just seem to embody their own name don’t they.

It’s not just the way he looks though, it’s the way he conducts himself, the way he walks, the way he moves, his hair, his voice, his whole manner.

Everything about the guy screams at you “My name is Roger”. Only problem is it’s not Roger, it’s Steve.

Somewhere, somehow I got into my head that Steve’s name was Roger and try as I might I can’t shift it. Steve will always be Roger to me.

It’s not just Steve who I am convinced has a different name. There are hundreds of Steve / Rogers in my world.

There’s a great running gag in the sitcom Only Fools and Horses where the character of Trigger continuously refers to Rodney as Dave.

But imagine a world where you have a different name for virtually everyone you meet, a world where everyone is masquerading with the wrong name. Welcome to my world.

I’ve googled the symptoms.

It seems there’s a new study led by Duke University professor and researcher David Rubin on this very subject.

This study appears in the latest issue of the specialist online magazine, Memory and Cognition (a great read) and investigates this exact question!

Why do we muddle up people’s names? But then completely fails to come up with an answer.

Thanks for trying anyway Pete.

In the absence of discovering anything that fits the description I’ve given the condition, that of muddling up or forgetting people’s names, it’s own unforgettable name!

I’m calling it name-i-tus.

Whilst out in the field, which for me means occasionally lurking about in the shadows of the arts centre, I’ve developed several coping mechanisms to deal with Name-i-tus.

When a cheery person comes to say hello, my most common tactic is to carry on a fluent and friendly conversation hoping that I’ll remember who the hell it is I’m talking to while we chat.

It’s a high risk tactic because if it doesn’t come flooding back its impossible to back track.

You can’t just say after five minutes into your jolly chat “I’m sorry can you tell me who you are please.” You’ve burnt your bridges by then. It’s an all or nothing situation.

The honest approach of course would be to reveal yourself at the start of the encounter. But that’s never been my way.

In this life you have to play to your strengths. And honesty has never been one of mine.

What I’ve found is that you can usually get away without the need to refer to anyone’s actual name while talking to them.

What’s really tricky though, is if you’re joined by someone else and are expected to offer introductions. Then you are well and truly stuffed.

In this instance your only option is to deploy the “Sudden Notice”.

As the newcomer joins the party you suddenly notice something that requires you’re immediate attention.

“I’m so sorry but I’ve just noticed….” And then leave.

The people remaining are left to make their own introductions.

I’ve always got a “sudden notice” in my back pocket, primed and ready to go.

Lockdown has made the whole situation much more manageable.

If you don’t see anyone, you can’t get their name wrong. It’s an instance of what I’m calling a Coronabonus.

I’d love to tell you more only I’ve just noticed…….