What can you tell about a person from the car they drive?

Here is a list of my cars to date. Let’s start at the beginning:

1. 1985

Mini £10

Only car in which I was ever momentarily airborne.

2. 1986

Ford Escort Mk 2 £50

Such was the security on these models I once got into a completely different car and started her up before realising it wasn’t mine.

3. 1987

Vauxhall Viva £110

Abandoned in Barnet High St after fatal breakdown with four burley total strangers from the anti apartheid movement on board.

4. 1991

Brown Leyland Princess £230

Heating permanently on. Oven car.

5. 1993

Triumph Herald £500

Stylish. But merest hint of rain left waterfall situation over legs.

6. 1993

Orange Metro £230

Hideous back up a car for stylish Herald.

7. 1999

Black Saab £550

Stylish. But genuinely more expensive in petrol per mile than the arts centres routemaster double decker bus.

8. 2003

Green Golf £440

Perfectly good car sacrificed to the scrappage scheme.

9. 2007

Kia Rio £5,500

First (and most likely only) brand new car. Refused any of the trimmings including air-conditioning. Big mistake.

So what does this motley list of cars reveal about me. Here’s my summary. This guy is clearly a cheapskate. His only foray into style is revealed in two vintage cars neither of which cost over £600. Even when purchasing a brand-new car, he balks at any reasonable accessories. Is it a pathological aversion to spending that motivates him or simply that he just doesn’t care about cars?

Obviously these observations are made with an inside track knowledge. I do, in fact, know the person who bought the cars. It’s me.

This week I chanced upon this car (pictured). What drew my attention wasn’t the lurid yellow. It wasn’t the powerful engine or aggrandising number plate. SXY? It was the fact that it was parked in a disabled bay without a blue badge. One thing that is guaranteed to enrage me.

The prejudices around disability stops me from jumping to conclusions. People are too quick to make assumptions. There may be lots of reasons why this particular car is parked in this particular bay.

But here’s a fact. Given the evidence of car ownership above, you can cross me off the list of suspects.