• For Chameleon’s Web’s latest show, we’ve asked the characters to do a special Curtain Call for us. That’s Jeeves and Wooster, who along with butler Seppings appear in Perfect Nonsense at the Headgate Gate in Colchester next week from June 13 to 16. For tickets call 01206 366000 or go on-line at headgatetheatre.co.uk

Who would be the ideal character actor to play the part of Bertie, and also Jeeves.

Bertie: Well, I can’t really say I’ve kept up to date with who’s who and what’s what. Who would you suggest, Jeeves?

Jeeves: I believe that Mr Paul Reed and Mr Joseph Sales have been doing a marvellous job, sir, if I may say so.

You have to re-create Totleigh Towers on a budget – what props are essential for your show?

Bertie: The silver cow creamer, of course – the whole thing hangs on that ghastly object. The obligatory Infant Samuel At Prayer. My room is an absolute must, so much happens there. I mean, the window sees a lot of use. And the door, of course. Though I can’t say I’m all that practically-inclined. I mean, how does one ‘do’ a window, Jeeves?

Jeeves: One ‘does’ a window, sir, with wood and glass, to the best of my knowledge, applied in a careful manner.

A rich aunt is coming to stay and is bringing her ditsy young ward with her. You’re pretty sure she’s trying to hook you up to – what do you do?

Bertie: I usually ask Jeeves for advice. That is what I do, isn’t it Jeeves?

Jeeves: Indeed, sir.

Bertie: There you go. Next question?

There’s a production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream taking place at your local theatre and you want to impress a certain actress who is playing the part of Titania – how do you get the part of Oberon?

Bertie: What with this play business I’ve discovered I have a certain knack for theatrical endeavours. Haven’t I, Jeeves?

Jeeves: Perhaps, sir, if you were also to point out that you have wealthy relatives who might be able to assist with production costs.

Bertie: You think it would help my chances?

Jeeves: I doubt it could harm them, sir.

You’ve been asked to speak at the Colchester Oyster Feast. What subject do you give a talk about?

Bertie: Oh gosh. Well, there’s lot of things. What would you suggest, Jeeves?

Jeeves: Anything but oysters, sir.

What’s the funniest joke in your show?

Bertie: Actually, I think my Aunt Dahlia’s butler, Seppings, is jolly funny in this.

Seppings: Thank you, sir.

Bertie: Seppings! How long have you been there?

Seppings: All the time, sir.

Bertie: How wonderfully discreet.

Seppings: I do my best, sir.

If you weren’t rich/a butler – what would you be?

Bertie: Oh, perhaps a musician, or singer. I’m a dab hand at the piano and the banjulele, even though I say so myself. Isn’t that right, Jeeves?

Jeeves: You do say that, yes sir. For my part, I am actually a valet, but Seppings might be in more of a position to comment?

Seppings: I couldn’t possibly say, sir.

Perfect Nonsense is a roaring success, what’s the next show that you do?

Bertie: I’ve had lots of different escapades over the years. I suppose I ought to put them all into a book or something. What do you think, Jeeves?

Jeeves: It’s been done, sir.