It’s perfect nonsense in Chameleon’s show

Bertie: Well, I can’t really say I’ve kept up to date with who’s who and what’s what. Who would you suggest, Jeeves?

Jeeves: I believe that Mr Paul Reed and Mr Joseph Sales have been doing a marvellous job, sir, if I may say so.

You have to re-create Totleigh Towers on a budget – what props are essential for your show?

Bertie: The silver cow creamer, of course – the whole thing hangs on that ghastly object. The obligatory Infant Samuel At Prayer. My room is an absolute must, so much happens there. I mean, the window sees a lot of use. And the door, of course. Though I can’t say I’m all that practically-inclined. I mean, how does one ‘do’ a window, Jeeves?

Jeeves: One ‘does’ a window, sir, with wood and glass, to the best of my knowledge, applied in a careful manner.

A rich aunt is coming to stay and is bringing her ditsy young ward with her. You’re pretty sure she’s trying to hook you up to – what do you do?

Bertie: I usually ask Jeeves for advice. That is what I do, isn’t it Jeeves?

Jeeves: Indeed, sir.

Bertie: There you go. Next question?

There’s a production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream taking place at your local theatre and you want to impress a certain actress who is playing the part of Titania – how do you get the part of Oberon?

Bertie: What with this play business I’ve discovered I have a certain knack for theatrical endeavours. Haven’t I, Jeeves?

Jeeves: Perhaps, sir, if you were also to point out that you have wealthy relatives who might be able to assist with production costs.

Bertie: You think it would help my chances?

Jeeves: I doubt it could harm them, sir.

You’ve been asked to speak at the Colchester Oyster Feast. What subject do you give a talk about?

Bertie: Oh gosh. Well, there’s lot of things. What would you suggest, Jeeves?

Jeeves: Anything but oysters, sir.

What’s the funniest joke in your show?

Bertie: Actually, I think my Aunt Dahlia’s butler, Seppings, is jolly funny in this.

Seppings: Thank you, sir.

Bertie: Seppings! How long have you been there?

Seppings: All the time, sir.

Bertie: How wonderfully discreet.

Seppings: I do my best, sir.

If you weren’t rich/a butler – what would you be?

Bertie: Oh, perhaps a musician, or singer. I’m a dab hand at the piano and the banjulele, even though I say so myself. Isn’t that right, Jeeves?

Jeeves: You do say that, yes sir. For my part, I am actually a valet, but Seppings might be in more of a position to comment?

Seppings: I couldn’t possibly say, sir.

Perfect Nonsense is a roaring success, what’s the next show that you do?

Bertie: I’ve had lots of different escapades over the years. I suppose I ought to put them all into a book or something. What do you think, Jeeves?

Jeeves: It’s been done, sir.