ADVANCED psychotherapist and clinical hypnotherapist CLAIRE GASKIN sees clients in Essex and in London’s Harley Street. If you have a problem you’d like Claire’s advice with, email agonyaunt@nqe. com For more details on Claire’s work, visit www.benefittherapy.co.uk
Dear Claire,
How do I go about meeting someone if I don’t want to do on-line dating or hang around supermarkets in the hope of spotting someone vaguely attractive ?
I am constantly hearing about how people met the man/woman of their dreams just by chance, or from a friend of a friend and I always thought that would happen to me but it hasn’t.
I am in my forties and apart from one ill-fated long-term relationship, I have been single most of my adult life.
I have attended a whole host of friends’ weddings and milestone parties wondering if this will be the night I meet the person of my dreams and now I am wondering if it will ever happen.
I feel so lonely but just the thought of joining a dating agency of any kind makes me feel anxious.
I think I maybe fear rejection the most and I just want to know how I can get over this and take steps forward ?
Claire says:
Statistics indicate that 1 in 5 relationships begin online.
However, around 80 per cent of people tell lies on their profiles, so you do need a thick skin to navigate the virtual dating game.
Even in the real world, meeting the ‘person of your dreams’ is no guarantee for everlasting love, unless your wish-list includes ‘agreeableness’ - the number one predictor of relationship success.
Finding a kind and considerate mate is more likely to result in enduring happiness.
Start by increasing your social circle of like-minded people. Join clubs or groups which have regular events. If you like walking, join a ramblers club; if you enjoy reading, go along to your local book group. You get the idea.
Not only will you feel less lonely but it will increase your self-confidence, something which loneliness chips away at.
If you’ve always struggled with romantic relationships, and the fear of rejection, you may suffer with low self-worth. Both hypnotherapy and BWRT can help to dissolve fears and improve self-esteem. Or, why not treat yourself to a makeover, for a quick boost?
Having an air of confidence is attractive to potential partners.
Be creative in building new friendship circles and you just might find that special person, waiting for you.
Comments: Our rules
We want our comments to be a lively and valuable part of our community - a place where readers can debate and engage with the most important local issues. The ability to comment on our stories is a privilege, not a right, however, and that privilege may be withdrawn if it is abused or misused.
Please report any comments that break our rules.
Read the rules here