Advanced psychotherapist and clinical hypnotherapist CLAIRE GASKIN sees clients in Essex and in London’s Harley Street. She is now bringing her expertise to the problems of our readers as our agony aunt. If you have a problem you’d like Claire’s advice with, email agonyaunt@nqe.com For more details on Claire’s work, visit benefittherapy.co.uk/

Dear Claire...

MY partner doesn’t get along with my family at all and it is causing me a lot of sleepless nights.

They tolerate each other in a social environment but my heart sinks when we are invited to do anything because I know I will have to really convince him to go and it often leads to arguments between us.

He thinks they boss me about but I actually do like spending time with them and they are really supportive and bend over backwards to help us out whenever they can.

We have suffered quite a lot of loss as a family and I think that makes them more protective of me.

I do not want to split up with my partner as we have a strong relationship otherwise and he truly loves me, but I worry eventually I will have to make a choice and I don’t think I could ever turn my back on my family who have obviously always been there.

What can I do to try to ease the situation on both sides so we can all move on ?

Claire says...

It’s difficult when people we love don’t get on and we feel forced to choose sides but I’m not sure that you will need to.

You have a strong relationship so work out a compromise.

Set some time aside to talk it through and agree that you will each listen to the other’s point of view.

Perhaps you will realise it’s not important for your husband to accompany you to every family gathering. And, in return, he might decide to brush off what bothers him and enjoy the moment, when he does go along.

You say that your family has suffered quite a lot of loss. Multiple bereavements can compound grief and I wonder if you are all still trying to navigate a path through the grieving process.

An indication that grief is resolved is when you can openly discuss happy memories of your lost loved ones. If you find this is not the case then maybe it’s time to get some help.

The national charity Cruse offers free advice and support, and BrainWorking Recursive Therapy is a swift and powerful way to resolve grief when we feel ‘stuck’ but ready to let go.

Move on from your position in the middle and celebrate the love.