WENDY Weston lives with cancer.

It is in her bones and her liver. It is not curable.

She thinks about the end of her life. She does not want to linger, nor to suffer.

"My dad, Ron, died of cancer. He was an extremely active man but at the end he was not able to do anything.

"I don't want to end like that," she says. "I don't want to be a burden."

When she dies, whenever that is, Wendy wants to be buried in a basket, next to her dad, in a natural burial park. She has bought the plot.

"I don't like churchyards," she says. "I think they are creepy."

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But Wendy's thoughts do not dwell on herself. She thinks principally of her family - her husband, Chris, her mum Betty, her children Nicola, 25, and Jonny, who is 19.

Then there is Dexter, the irrepressible labrador, rescued from Battersby dogs home.

How will they cope? Who will care for them?

"My daughter's cat was killed and it really hit me.

"I thought 'Who will she phone when I am not here, who will they speak to? I won't be there for them'."

For Wendy, that is the hardest part of being terminally ill - the worry about those left behind.

Wendy, who is 59, was first diagnosed with breast cancer eight years ago.

She felt sore and when she went to doctor but was told it wasn't anything to worry about.

But co-incidentally sh had been offered a mammogram having turned 50 and the tumour was detected.

"It was dreadful. Although they said they could cure it, you have this bit of you which has this terrible fear.

"Jonny was only 11 at the time.

"To have to tell the children was the hardest part. They were young and they still needed me to be here.

"It was tough for them. It was hard to me too. You try to be normal for them but you don't always feel like that.

"You sometimes want to sit down and feel sorry for yourself but you can't because of the children.

"I still feel like that. I have to be here to look after everyone.

"I know they will be fine but you want to protect them, to organise everything."

Wendy had a lumpectomy followed by six months of chemotherapy.

She said: "It made me so tired. By the end of the chemo, all I wanted to do was get home and go to sleep.

"I would sleep for 24 hours, it absolutely knocked me out."

Wendy lost her hair and underwent radiotherapy but at the end of her treatment, doctors gave her the all clear.

 

 

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For the next seven years, she went back to the life she loved - caring for her family, running the Ladybirds pre-school in Leavenheath which has been part of her life for 22 years and leading the 1st Leavenheath Cub Pack with which she has a 40 year association.

"I picked up where I left off and carried on with my life," she said.

"I love the children. I love to see the little ones who start at pre school so shy and become full of confidence.

"The children at Cubs get so many opportunities, we take them camping, abseiling, they can climb trees."

It is the simple life which means so much.

Then came the hammer blow.

Wendy said: "I found a tiny lump, it was the smallest thing ever. They took a biopsy and said it was cancer.

"I had a feeling it was going to be bad.

"I had a CT scan and a bone scan and they found it was in my bones and my liver.

"They said it was not curable but they were hopeful they could treat it for while.

"I asked how long I had but they could not really tell me."

Wendy began 12 weeks of gruelling chemotherapy. She was exhausted and lost her hair again.

"You feel so conscpicuous when you have lost your hair."

It was hard for Wendy, who is immaculate.

Now, despite the prognosis, she looks forward, setting herself targets.

This year, she celebrated her daughter's wedding. Next month **oct** she will be 60 and next year will be her 40th wedding anniversary.

She doesn't have a bucket list of places she wants to visit or challenges to complete. She just enjoys her life, loves her family and her home.

"I do have bad days when I feel really rough but I set myself tasks each day."

Never was quality of life more important.

That is why Wendy has given her complete support for a new cancer centre for Colchester.

She understands how it feels to be exhausted, vulnerable and confused and wants life to be as easy as it can be for patients undergoing cancer treatment.

A cancer centre would bring chemotherapy to the same part of Colchester General Hospital as the radiotherapy centre.

It would have spaces for families to have a moment on their own after they have been told heartbreaking news.

It would have a place for the Macmillan nurses from whom patients can get support and practical advice.

Perhaps it would have a place where wigs could be fitted, sensitively, kindly.

Perhaps it would have a place where patients can meet to share experiences and find the emotional support which only another cancer survivor can give.

It is these factors which, Wendy believes, help to make cancer a little bit more bearable.

"No-one knows how long they have, what the future holds.

"But to talk to others, to have their support, it gives you hope."

 

* To support the Cancer Centre Campaign, text Gaz11 £10 (or an amount of your choice) to 70070, send a cheque made out to CoHoC Cancer Centre Campaign to Colchester Hospitals Charity, Villa 10, Turner Road, Colchester, CO4 5JL or go to CohoC.org.uk and follow the link to donate. The campaign is aiming to raise £4.5 million for a new cancer centre at Colchester General Hospital to bring all cancer services to one site.

 

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