Yesterday I burst into tears.

Three times.

A snivelling wreck of a man.

No sooner had I wiped the tears and restored some semblance of normality to the craggy visage than bang - off we go again.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

By chance, the hamster and I (he is extricated from the cage at this time every evening) were watching ITV’s Long Lost Family.

I have to say the hamster didn’t seem so moved.

The premise of this programme is as the title suggests.

Long lost members of families are reunited with... well other long lost members of the same family. Thus the title.

It’s all jollied along by the host, one Davina McCall.

We all remember dear old Davina of course from when she was interviewing disgruntled contestants recently ejected from The Big Brother House.

All those years ago. I’d missed her.

In this sense I felt had been re-united with my own little bit of Long Lost Family. Which was nice. Good old Davina.

The formula is quickly established and very simple.

We are introduced to a person who relates a woeful story of separation or abandonment or both whilst Davina nods sagely.

The person is then seen walking mournfully along the beach or sitting wistfully on a park somewhere before the meeting with Davina is reconvened and she reveals, guess what, she’s found the elusive family member!

Cut to the actual re-union between aforementioned estranged kinsfolk, cue extensive tears and sobbing. Repeat x 3. Credits. End.

Time to put the steely, cold hearted little hamster back the cage and exit.