SHAWN Leek brandishes a tattoo of a semi-colon on his hand - to many people, it doesn’t mean much.

To Shawn, it means everything - a symbol of continuation of life, and proof his journey is not over yet.

The husband and father, from New Town, begins his story by describing his life in November as “hell”.

Now Shawn, 43, is assuring others like him with severe depression and anxiety there is a way out.

“I had been suffering for about five years but I would run to keep my mind at rest,” he said.

“I had been fighting it for longer than I realised, maybe I was running away from things to a degree, I was fighting my demons.

“In November it was as if something snapped in my head, I had had enough, I just didn’t know what to do and my whole mindset changed.”

He said his depression and anxiety were due to an accumulation of factors, including deaths in the family.

By December he had been contemplating an overdose, lining tablets up on the table, but he could not bring himself to take them.

He said: “One Sunday morning I got all the tablets I could get hold of and took all of them.

“At that moment I wanted to end my life, and once I did that the regret in me was instant.”

He called his crisis team and an ambulance came to collect him, he was sick from the cocktail of drugs but luckily did not cause any lasting damage.

While in Colchester General Hospital, he was told he would need to spend a longer stay.

“It was a shocking moment in my life,” he said.

“At that point I realised I wasn’t safe and as much as I didn’t want to go, I went.”

After four days in hospital in Colchester he left, convinced it was just an episode.

He thought he was coping but the bad habits started to creep back in, such as self harm, which was a coping strategy for dealing with his anger.

By May he was admitted to hospital in Harlow for two days, before discharging himself again.

He said: “They are hard places to live in as it’s not a normal environment, it’s not what you are used to and it’s quite brutal.

“A week later my whole life turned bad, I was in the bath with a kitchen knife trying to cut my wrists.

“I was then told I would either have to be sectioned or go back into hospital.

“I remember being told there was a free bed in Roehampton, I kicked and screamed as I didn’t want to go.”

The next day he found out the bed had gone and the next available bed was in Bristol.

“It was as if my whole world had gone to pieces,” he said.

“But now I know it was probably the best move I ever made.

“It was a private hospital and the care there was amazing, I was there for just over two weeks and the therapy was second to none.

“It was my time to work on me and it was without a doubt the best thing I did.”

While in and out of hospital, Shawn made some compelling videos about his feelings, which have received a lot of support from viewers.

He said: “I wanted to write down what I had gone through in words so I could tell people you can get through it and come out the other side and start again.

“At that time the anger in me was quite dramatic, I was in a very dark place.

“I wanted to make people realise being in that place was a horrendous place to be, but you need to talk to people.”

He has just gone back to work as a mechanic engineer in Sudbury and his colleagues have been very supportive.

He said: “It’s a major hurdle, there was anxiety but I have just got to the stage where I’m not embarrassed about what happened.

“I can’t change it and I’ve got to move forward. You have got to reach out and that’s the big thing with my videos.

“People just need to say they are struggling [and when you do] it’s a burden off yourself.

“As a guy you think you have to hold yourself together but you don’t, and people will help you.”

He has picked up running again and is a member of Team Heads Together, a running group for people who are struggling mentally.

This time, instead of running away from his problems, he is running towards a better future.

The semi-colon tattoo is a universal sign that many are doing the same.

To watch his videos visit www.youtube.com/user/Shawnleek.

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