I have checked my job description in meticulous detail this week and absolutely nowhere does it state "the post holder will be required to lie down on a bed of nails whilst someone stands on top of him / her".

That phrase is completely absent.

However come Saturday 1st April (oh the irony) that is exactly what I shall be doing.

It's the annual Variety Night at Colchester Arts Centre and I expect, as usual to leave the premises at the end of the night with my dignity duly dismantled and neatly left in the recycling bin.

Apart from this minor inconvenience it is in fact my favourite night of all the events we promote at good old Arts Centre HQ. It is a throwback to the genuine old school variety days of the 50s, where bizarre acts rub shoulders with opera and comedy. The days when contortionists and Egyptian sand dancing troupes relentlessly toured the packed houses of Britain usually with the same act for 40 years.

Part vaudeville, part variety, part Morecambe and Wise, part Cilla Black what we are recreating in our Variety Night is a mash up of light entertainment, high art and downright good old honest showing off.

Top of the bill this year is the explosive Mr Methane. As the name suggests the act consists entirely of his extraordinary farting ability. You may choose of course whereabouts on the spectrum you put this unique talent between high art and showing off.

He comes from an established tradition of course, following in the footsteps of the French flatulist Le Petomane (professional farter) 1857 - 1945. His stage name combined the French verb peter "to fart" with the mane "maniac" suffix. This translates into "fartomaniac". Mister Methane will be performing such tricks as blowing out candles with his bottom and his pièce de résistance which comprises of (spoiler alert) firing a dart from his bottom to burst a balloon.

As the late great Kenny Everett would say "all in the best possible taste" of course.

He's joined on the bill by the Great Antonio (guess who) and his Bed o’ Nails, the comedy Russian Ballerina Ablilenchko, a World champion Hula Hooper, the sensational child protege fiddler Eva Garayalde, international choreographer Reggie Roberts, Moose and his famous very loud shouting act, Comedy double act Chutzpah and Hubris, classical guitar from Andrew Allen and the Valentines School of Dance with their tap dancing troupe plus other surprise guests......

The night is a fundraiser for the Colchester Mayors Charities. Madame Mayor Julie Young is supporting The Rob George Foundation, Beacon House, The Invicta Foundation, Open Road and Sign Post.

All tickets £5.00

Colchester Arts Centre Variety Night

Saturday 1st April 7pm

Tickets available on line or box office on 01206 500900