TWO momentous events took place last week.

The first is literally taking place as I write this as the Big Boy swims up and down the pool in what will be his, and therefore mine, last ever early morning session.

For years I've been doing this and I can honestly say I will not miss it one bit, although in the summer getting up at 5.30am, especially if it's a lovely morning, does have its benefits.

In the winter, frost on the windscreen, child in the front bemoaning their lot in life, wearing gloves so my hands don't freeze to the steering wheel, well you get the picture.

Having just watched the European Swimming Championships I obviously take my hats off to those incredible athletes and the dedication they put into their sport but I also doff my cap to their parents who got up with Fran and Adam for years and years so that one day they could wear a medal round their neck.

No such chance for me.

Of course I say last ever session but as we know I still have the Little Lad plugging his way in the junior ranks of the swimming club so, as Sean Connery once said famously, never say never.

Fortunately, as the years go by, this is looking increasingly unlikely, because while the Little Lad is a lovely little swimmer, he shares my dislike for the water and so motivation to do better is very low down on his priorities.

Good lad, let's keep it that way.

A very different kettle of fish when it comes to his school play which the Little Lad always throws his heart and soul into.

And that's the other momentous occasion which took place last week. I went to a school production which was actually really rather good.

Now before my other children get miffed with me - obviously all of my children's school productions are brilliant. (If only!)

Over the years we've seen some good shows, some ok shows, and some absolute rotters.

This one was the best yet.

First of all I would like to thank Craig Hawes, the author of Robin Hood and the Sherwood Hoodies, which had a few terrible gags (par for the course in a primary school show) but overall was incredibly funny. Craig, I suspect, has sat through some pretty terrible shows himself and knows that as a playwright you have to appeal to your audience. In this case that's basically a whole group of grown-ups forced to take time off work to see their little ones perform. Basically it's a three-line whip. We have to be there, so why not make it bearable for us, or even enjoyable.

Well thanks Craig that was an hour of my life I don't mind never getting back.

And thanks to the teachers who not only discovered Craig and his super script but also put together a well worked show. Manoeuvring 50 plus kids at the best of times cannot be easy but in costume, on cue and crammed onto a little school stage, a monumental feat to be proud of.

Finally the children, including my very own little Larry Olivier, who remembered their lines, delivered the punchlines with aplomb and sung like angels.

You were amazing.

Now I know us parents say that every year but this time we actually mean it!

NEIL D'ARCY-JONES

WEEKEND WINDOW

"Happy Birthday Ben, have a lovely time in Vienna." Jack.