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Cancer steals more than just your health
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| John Plews, who organised a darts tournament for Fair Havens, knows how cancer affects sufferers |
LIVING with terminal cancer which is so painful you need ten shots of morphine each day, is unlikely to make someone feel great about themselves.
This is something John Plews understands perfectly. John, a 62-year-old dad from Corringham is battling Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, which is destroying his body, piece by piece.
Although he's in constant pain and cannot work or even go to the pub, remarkable John continues to wake up with hope every morning, never knowing if it'll be his last.
He knows all too well how cancer can not only rob a sufferer of their health, but their dignity, and sometimes relationships with others.
A survey carried out by two national charities have revealed getting the "Big C" can take its toll on a victim's mental wellbeing just as much as the physical.
More than half of the respondents questioned in the study, conducted by family relationship helpers Relate and cancer information charity Cancerbackup, admitted worrying about money had put a big strain on their relationships.
It also shows 74 per cent of people affected by the disease say they have lost their confidence and felt less attractive.
Sadly almost 50 per cent of respondents also confessed they didn't feel they could talk to their partner about certain cancer-related issues.
John, who underwent a gruelling bout of chemotherapy at Southend Hospital, after being diagnosed in 2005, said: "It definitely puts a big strain on your relationships.
"I've been married for 18 years and it's very hard. It must be so difficult for younger couples just starting out when one of them gets it.
"Feeling unconfident about yourself and the way you look is a big part of having cancer and going through chemo.
"I go out and buy clothes to try and make myself feel less like an old grump, but it doesn't always work."
John has had to get used to facing up to the inevitable.
"They don't sugar-coat it for you," he said.
"I remember reading a hospital letter about my chemotherapy treatment and reading the words If chemotherapy fails, probable outcome is death!'
"But I'd rather have it like that and get the news straight. I'm just taking every day as it comes at the moment.
"I take pleasure in the little things like being in my greenhouse during the summer and watching my plants grow - just simple things that don't seem like a lot but mean the world to me."
John, who has a teenage daughter, added: "They can't do anything else for me now. I asked the doctors to tell my straight how long I've got left but they just answer how long is a piece of string?'
"I could go in a day, in a week or I could have a year left. Nobody knows," said John.
"I go to Fair Havens Hospice, in Westcliff, and counselling sessions every week to help me cope with everything.
"I also spend a lot of time on the internet. One thing I always tell people I'm chatting to online is that cancer doesn't only kill you, it kills your marriage as well."
The survey of over 350 people also shows how 86 per cent of men and women questioned said cancer had put a strain on their relationship with their partner and affected their sex life.
Derryn Borley, of Cancerbackup said: "People don't know what to expect when they or their partner are diagnosed with cancer and are often shocked by how it affects every aspect of their lives.
"Health professionals should be helping people to understand what they are going through is normal, by providing them with information on how cancer can affect relationships.
"That's why Cancerbackup has teamed up with Relate to produce a free new leaflet offering advice and information leading to further support."
Relate counsellor Christine Northam said: "Where couples are coping with cancer, relationships take the strain.
"Sometimes even the strongest couple need extra support to make sense of their feelings.
l For a copy of the free leaflet Cancer, you and your partner by Cancerbackup and Relate visit: www.cancerbackup.org.uk/relationships Or call Cancerbackup's helpline 0800 8001234
5:00pm Thursday 27th March 2008
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CommentPosted by: NHS Scandal on 3:31pm Fri 28 Mar 08
The biggest scandal of all is the availability of diamorphine - or the lack of.
It's easier to buy heroin off the streets to treat your loved ones.
The biggest scandal of all is the availability of diamorphine - or the lack of.
It's easier to buy heroin off the streets to treat your loved ones.
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